?

Log in

The Beginnings [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Shae

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

(no subject) [Mar. 31st, 2004|06:59 pm]
Shae
Hey guys i know that i have not been updating very much, but lately this that been the last option. I am now trying to bring my grades up, they seem to be slipping, my relationships seem to be slipping. I don't know why. I think taht maybe i am not trying hard enough. In fact i know i am not. But it seems to be that my alone time, and the time that i have been spending with one or maybe two people- has been enjoyable. I have been peaceful lately. Trying to just get things in order. That does not mean that i have**. But it is comming along. I am thinking about making a choice between somethings. But i have to decide what i want out of it and if i can let it go. I know that right now my main concern is not what it should be and i want that to change. So i am in a very contimplative mood right now. Hope that everyone is doing all right. I am worried about my parents, they have seemed so depressed lately. I am not sure what it is. I hope that it ends soon. School has sucked lately and want it to be over with and summer to be here, but no final exams!! Ok thank you !!
Link2 comments|Leave a comment

Monday [Mar. 1st, 2004|10:16 pm]
Shae
Why is it that with everything good or GREAT, comes the bad and something to ruin your high, just like that, its gone. I juat want to get my cake and eat it too.
Link1 comment|Leave a comment

Almost friday!!!! [Feb. 26th, 2004|04:43 pm]
Shae
[I'm feeling: |anxiousanxious]
[Listening to: |Tom Thumb Texas! haha]

ok so its almost friday and almost the weekend. I am so happy there is so much stuff that i want to do this weekend, i want to go to the DOOR on friday night and have a blast, i want to watch the RING really bad on staturday and have a wonderful time, i want to do something on sunday also and the Oscars are on Sunday night which my mother promptly informed me that i would be watching with them. I am also making Donuts on saturday morning and a great dinner saturday night. I can't wait. I love cooking especially when i get to learn to make new things. These kool enchaladas( havn't decided between the spicy green sause or the sweet red sause) or we might make REAL mexican quesadillas( no flour tortillas). I really just want to hang this weekend with my friends and this weekend i am able to, so i am planning on having fun. Oh and i think out plans this spring break fell through so SPRING BREAK O4 here i come. haha. I hope friday turns out to be a good day, i hate bad fridays. Oh ya i went and visited that DevianArt site, wow the art work on the site is amazing, i was wonder if these kids actually drew that stuff, Its great and so dramatic, made me wish i had skill, that level of skill . WOW!!!!
Link1 comment|Leave a comment

another week [Feb. 25th, 2004|04:35 pm]
Shae
hey
well today was a good day, other then thew fact that i got my Phone taken up in WHAP. I hate that class with a passion, i have never had to write a paper given to me in one night, its bullshit. But oh well, you know that i have never noticed how many times i say " oh well" i now can tell that i say that all the time. My parents are going on vacation this weekend, i can't wait. I am going to go to the DOOR this friday and then hang the rest of the weekend. I know it may not be that good but i want to see Dirty Dancin Havana Nights and Win a Date with Tad Hamilton, this weekend. loove y'all bye
LinkLeave a comment

gloomy day [Feb. 24th, 2004|04:15 pm]
Shae
[I'm feeling: |gloomygloomy]
[Listening to: |chrome]

well today was an ok day. I had a great weekend and everthing i could ask for happened and i am so happy now. We went to JSB and i had a blast. Have you ever wondered what you looked like dancing like a freak but at the time all you were worried about was havin fun. Well i accidently kept the poker chips. OOPS!! Oh well, my boyfriend asked me out, that sounds wierd, haha. I was so exited. We wet to Dessert Theatre on sunday night andi think that may have ranked way up there with all the great things i did that weekend, everything at that palce was great. To bad it rained. I just am in a mood. I think its the weather, but i get worried. Have you ever worried that if you give someone you really care about all of you that they will take it and get sick of you after a while. I guess i feel like i will become boring and they will not want me anymore. I want it to last is i guess what i am saying. So i can't complain because right now it is great. I love my friends but shit they are always pressuring me to do shit and not do what i want to do or be ashamed of what i am doing. I want to happy and not care about what they think of my relationships but that will never happen. I just want to tell them that i am happy and to not fuck things over for me but i am to insecure. I need to feel loved and liked. I hate saying that and as much as i try to deny it, i know deep down its true. I get self concious about myself and worry about what others think of me. I know that may sound inmature,but hey i am not going to deny it. This all probably stems down to me not feeling confident about myself and not loving who i am, i guess you can say that i want to become better but that wording may be wrong. Sometimes i really have to wonder what in the hell some guys see in me, the looks arn't there. WHAT ARE THEY THINKING?? i wonder, i mean come on i am not top notch, why not someone else? Am i just that girl who was nice one day and looks like the type of girl that they could get? not great but attainable? I just wonder these things some times. I had a dream that one of my best friends died last night and i could not stop crying, i wanted to jump out of bed at three in the morning and tell her how much she ment to me, so that it was never left unsaid. Have you ever thought about that and what you would do? Its a scary thought isn't it. Some one asked me why i had these random sperts of Journalism and didn't space them all out or whatever and now that i think about it- its because i only write when i feel like it, i get these urges to write and thats when all these feelins start comming out. All at once i always have so much crap on my mind, i guess thats why i space out so many times during the day, i go from one thought to another so randomly. I just keep typing and don't pay attention to what i am actually writing. That is probably why i would make a terrible writer, i only like to write when i have the urge, i hate being pressred. I wonder sometimes how you show someone that you really care for them without seeming to fast or to strait forward. I wonder if my friends and boyfriend know how much they mean to me and if i ever even show that. I want to be able to have that out of body expierence, you know where you are watching yourself talking and doing whatever and can see what you really look like. I wonder if i had that and was watching my self as an outsider if i would like my self, you know like how i judge peple when i first meet them, i wonder what i look like to others, what do they see about me? I know that may sound wierd, but i think it would be kool. And don't tell me that you never have these wierd feelings. I don't know i feel like i want to go on and on about how i want to escape, but i have already done that and no one cares because everone wants the same things. I guess right now i am just happy that Spring Break is coming up.
Link1 comment|Leave a comment

alomst there [Feb. 19th, 2004|04:55 pm]
Shae
ok well tomorrow is friday i just have to hold on!!!! Almost there. ahaha!!!!! i know funny. Ya well i had a magor WHAP test today that made me the BITCH of the universe my first 3 periods( school periods:0)and i think that i am better. haha. Ok going to go study i crap to do. haha
LinkLeave a comment

ANOTHER HUMP DAY [Feb. 18th, 2004|04:26 pm]
Shae
hey y'all -
i was in such a mood today.I do not know why. The whole day all i thought about was art and leaving and listning to music. I guess you just have one of those days every now and then. I like them though, they remind me of the old me. I guess you could say that i was artsy fartsy, and it was true. I loved to draw paintand all that stuff. I would come home every day, draw and paint. I think i would paint my friends canvases for every one of their birthdays. I wish i had a camera(digital). that actually worked, on my computer to put pics up here but i don't. I am swamped tonight with homework so i am keepin it short. Have to get the grades in for end if six weeks. Tests tomorrow. Adrian- feel better and no more getting sick, same with you Laura( we miss you**) haha BYE~~
Link1 comment|Leave a comment

ONE TREE HILL [Feb. 17th, 2004|09:04 pm]
Shae
it ceases to amaze me how a television show can bring about so many emotions. I cried, laughed, was angry in a madder of an hour. I love that show and i think that that was the best episode yet.
Link1 comment|Leave a comment

GOT THAT MONDAY FEELIN [Feb. 17th, 2004|04:12 pm]
Shae
[I'm feeling: |contemplativecontemplative]
[Listening to: |Trace Attkins- CHROME!!!!!!!]

HEY -
Its Tuesday but it sure feels like a monday. I have been thinking about it and i would give anything to be in Turks and Cacaos right now, next to the bright crystal clear water, in the white sand, drinking my favorite concoctions, lounging by the beach and enjoying the sun. That is where i want to be, not in school. ONLY 13 SCHOOL DAYS till Spring Break. I can't wait. I have no plans but i want to go to a beach. Oh crap i think that i am going up to Tennessee. The place i do not want to be. I ended up spending monday working either on school work or just working. not fun. I had a debate with my parents that lasted for an hour or so at night. The subject i do not even want to get into. I learned that you should make decisions and your beliefs off of logical things rather then emotional. If you base your beliefs off of emotional behavior you usually end up getting hurt. This may sound better to me because i know that i do base most of my decisions on my emotions, not thinking about them logically and i have gotten hurt. Badly in some cases. I don't think thought that this apply's to everything. I do not want to base my friend ships and relationships all off of logic. Yes i can use logic to tell me that i can't go jump every guy around, or that its wrong to be mean to my friends, but when it comes down to it- i want to be able to say "hey I really like this person" and do something about it or "they mean something to me and because of that i am going to show my friend that they are special in my life. So i can agree with both points. I think its weird sometimes how i can be so split in my personality. I think about my life style and my preferences and i am split. I think all the time that i want to live in a bustling city, with a great advertising job, nice parties and the life style of the rich, but on the other hand i want to live in a nice small house in the country, with s ton of kids, a husband who loves me- working all day in the fields. Not having very much but enough that we are happy and can provide for my family for what they want. I also think about moving away from here and then coming back, and letting my kids grow up here. One thing that i am for sure, is that i love ,my church and i want to get married there. I guess if not here then on a small island at sunset with our closest friends and family. I don't know why i am thinking about this, but it seems that i have the problem of typing exactly what i am thinking and not actually thinking about it. I am so exited about JSB. I can't wait- i think that we are all going to have a great time just hanging out and having fun and i can't help but dream that some good things, maybe some surprises will happen(i tend to fantasize a lot). I am really worried about my grades and school lately. i just wish that it came easier and that i had the drive to turn everything in that i used to. But i don't so i guess that is a reason why my grades are slippin. I have been dreamin about taking a road trip. Leaving and going somewhere with my closest friends and just leaving all my cares behind. haha YA RIGHT !!! gtg see ya lata
Link1 comment|Leave a comment

sunday night [Feb. 15th, 2004|11:34 pm]
Shae
[I'm feeling: |bouncybouncy]
[Listening to: |chingy]

Hey- so we did not end up going bowlin g but i think that was ok, because the bus rides were the best parts. 3 of them, and i had the BEST bus buddy and had a riot of a time. Except for some annoyances(just kiddin**) haha, i think also that t puck tables of whatever they are called, THE only good part about that place. Except the people. Though i have to admit that there were some scary Texaco's but oh well. Haha, wish Anna had a great night. I miss you babe. Ya well i hope that Laura is feeling better, i hate it when i et sick, the worst. ok well i am going to go to sleep. NIGHT EVERYONE !!!
Link1 comment|Leave a comment

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]